Recent news out of London suggests that Nicolas Sarkozy ("Sarko" to the French press) is chatting up Angela Merkel about nominating Tony Blair to be the next EU president after the rather anonymous Barroso. With this bit of news the Tony Blair saga moves on, and what a saga it's been! Whether you like him or not--it's a love-hate thing for many including myself--there can be no doubt that the soon-gone leader of these fair Isles has left a lasting imprint on the global political economy. For me, the president of the USA and PM of the UK are the most visible of world politicians; perhaps even more so in this age of the English-dominated Internet. Professor Lord Giddens, the author of The Third Way, recently came to speak to us about his new book, Over to You, Mr Brown. While waiting to see what happens during Brown's term, let us recount the Blair years as the BBC, the Guardian, and countless others here in England have already done--but with a twist.
I recently went to see the London cast of Wicked perform the award-winning musical that purports to be a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. It was a fantastic performance that made this grown man weep, especially the showstopping number "The Wizard and I." I won't spoil the plot as I wish you all could see this stupendous musical, but let's just say the wizard isn't all he's cracked up to be--just as a certain Tony (award?) is. Thinking about things, it occurred to me that the Blair saga has much the same elements of a good tragedy according to Aristotle: Plot, Characters, Diction, Thought, Spectacle, and Melody (he plays guitar, right?) are all there in abundance. So, without further ado, I too have come up with my own idea for a musical. I am just waiting for Tim Rice or Stephen Schwartz to show up INTRODUCTION
(1) "Dinner for Two at Granita"
(2) "Spin to Win" [Campbell]
(3) "Gisela, What a Big Lead You Have!"
(4) "Princess Di and I"
(5) "I Love My Country, My Country Loves Me"
(6) "The Sofa of Power"
(7) "Racing Back To You"
(8) "Another Term"
(9) "Third Way or the Highway"
(10) "Sidekick Gordon's Delusions of Grandeur"
(11) "Take That, EuroBlair" [Brown]
(12) "Be His Friend" [Clinton]
(13) "Waltzes With Cowboys" [Bush]
(14) "A Million in the Streets of London" [Crowd of Displeased Labour Voters]
(15) "Bombs Over Baghdad / Bomb-Bomb-Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iraq" (medley)
INTERMISSION
(1) "We Love Ya, Tony"
(2) "F--k Gilligan" [Campbell]
(3) "The Porn of Politics" [Major]
(4) "Yip-Yip, They Call Me 'Poodle'"
(5) "Lord Hutton, At Your Service" [Hutton]
(6) "Kick Me, Pleeze"
(7) "The Olympic Task of African Development"
(8) "No Margin for Terror"
(9) "Enough's Enough" [Gaggle of Labour MPs]
(10) "I Did the Right Thing / My Own Man"
(11) "Milord Cometh"
(12) "Middle Name Ain't Wolf"
(13) "Give Bandar a Billion"
(14) "EU Must Be Kidding"
(15) "Gordon, Have My Stratocaster"
CURTAIN CALL
A: 1-Blair and Brown are famously supposed to have made a deal at Granita restaurant over succession as PM with Blair going first followed by Brown; 2-Alastair Campbell, a seasoned tabloid journalist, was hired to stage New Labour's media push; 3-Something big was afoot when the traditionally Tory-leaning constituency of Edgbaston in Birmingham voted in Gisela Stuart, a lady of German descent allied with Blair. It turned out to be the first seat turned over to Blair's party in a landslide which ushered in New Labour in May of 1997; 4-Blair delivered a touching eulogy on the morning of Princess Diana's death and coins the term the "People's Princess"; 5-Blair's ratings reached the highest-ever for any PM; 6-Blair was accused of relying too much on a close inner circle who would sit around a sofa in 10 Downing Street; 7-Blair asks for forgiveness from the public over alleged favors given to Formula One impresario Bernie Ecclestone in exchange for a million pound campaign contribution; 8-Blair is reelected by a comfortable margin; 9-His confidence boosted by reelection, Blair becomes more aggressive in his approach to public sector reform, especially towards unionized labor; 10-By then, Gordon Brown had frequent spats with Blair, especially over succession; 11-Brown torpedoes Blair's dream of the UK adopting the Euro currency, claiming the UK didn't pass Brown's "five tests" for inclusion; 12-Blair sought Bill Clinton's input on the latter's successor and was given that fateful bit of advice; 13-Surprisingly, Blair and Bush bond after the 9/11 attacks; 14-More than a million Londoners take to the streets to protest the planned invasion of Iraq; 15-Iraq is bombed then invaded.
B: 1-Tony Blair receives a warm welcome in the USA over his extending support for the Iraq invasion; 2-Alastair Campbell's attack on BBC journalist Andrew Gilligan over the claim that Iraq could ready battlefield weapons of mass destruction in 45 minutes is blamed for the suicide of public servant David Kelly; 3-Former PM John Major accuses Blair of using media spin like "pornography"; 4-As Blair's popularity plummets to lows unprecedented for a Labour PM and he is called Bush's "poodle," he contemplates resignation; 5-Blair is partly vindicated to the surprise of many as the inquiry into the Kelly death did not find that Blair "sexed up" the Iraq WMD claim, leading to accusations that Hutton whitewashed the matter; 6-Alastair Campbell develops a "masochism strategy" for the 2005 reelection campaign involving Blair prostrating himself before the public over the Iraq mess; 7-Reelected, Blair makes two signature achievements in winning the 2012 Olympics Games for London and debt relief for Africa in a 24-hour span; 8-Blair's achievements are soon overshadowed by the London subway bombings, though he soon adopts a "war on terror" rhetoric similar to Bush's; 9-Blair's unwillingness to condemn Israel for its actions against Lebanon made junior ministers resign their posts to prod him to step down. Chastened, Blair says he would leave in 2007; 10-Blair plays the "conviction" statesman over Iraq instead of the vote-calculating politician; 11-Blair is embroiled in scandal yet again over the granting of peerages to Labour party donors; 12-Blair is mooted by some as a successor to James Wolfensohn and Paul Wolfowitz as World Bank president; 13-Blair shows little remorse over allegations that the government gave Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia a billion pounds in kickbacks to win large arms contracts for BAE; 14-Sarkozy trumpets Blair as the next EU president.
15-OK, this hasn't happened, but I figure this number would bring the house down and have the audience reaching for their hankies [sniff]. Artistic license, you know. Blair apologizes for being such as boob to Gordon Brown over the years by reneging on the Granita deal. With tears in his eyes, Blair then hands over his beloved Fender Stratocaster guitar to Brown. I figure that the curtain call will feature a reprise of one of the more uptempo numbers. Anyway, here are some sample lyrics, though I am no Bernie Taupin:
Granita's all boarded up
New Labour's down on its luck
Yet I still remember that meal
When we struck a splendid deal...
Such drama! I think there's a good narrative flow to this musical with a mix of ups and downs to enliven the proceedings with musical numbers ranging from rockers to weepers. Please feel free to contribute casting suggestions, song lyrics, etc. It's good I got this out early so I can sue whoever is mad enough to stage a Blair musical in the future for stealing my idea. You know, I could use the money ;-)
